I realised today,
…how important it is to set time aside in parenting to not just look after the financial, physical needs of our family, but also to “be parent” – set time 1:1 time aside to be fully with her in her world, where there’s no knob or self-control that turns down her acting out every want, need, fear, or curiosity that pops up.
As a father who feels it is his role to address his family’s wants and take responsibility for their needs while averting our fears and being led by our curiosities, I have a perspective that could’nt be farther from hers. I’m the one who pays the bills, chops the wood, carries the water, yet when I also give her my full interest and attention, I give her a gift that I myself, in a way that I couldn’t if she gave me her full self. And in a way, I got to see her in her truer self. It’s a practice of un-titlement, a surrender which connects you to the present moment.
I realised, to be a responsible father means not just responding to one’s family’s physical needs, but to prioritiese emotionally available – to be of avail emotionally 🙂